Let me start off by saying I'm extremely pissed off and stressed. My last post was about being auto-enrolled in Medicare. This post will be a continuation of the garbage that we call our heath care system. Harsh language will definitely be used.
Health care is a hot-button issue in this country and if you're unlucky enough to have a disability then it's even harder to understand and obtain than the general masses. Before receiving disability benefits I was all set with MassHealth coverage which was incredible and did everything I needed it too. Now fast-forward 24 months to where they basically force you to have medicare which surprise surprise I now need to pay a premium which is over $100 a month. Now let me just explain this a little better, I am disabled. I do not have a job currently because I can not work a full-time or even a part-time job without problems. This means that my only income is from disability and it is not a lot of money. In addition to paying bills and a general cost of living they now expect me to pay over $100 for health care which I was receiving for free. In addition to this bullshit, I now have to be enrolled in a medicare drug plan that's gonna cost me money monthly as well as an annual deductible. I'm fucking pissed and I think I have a huge right to be. I have specialists and a lot of prescriptions that I now have to hope are covered under this bullshit plan. All of it really makes me want to fucking puke. What am I supposed to do? How do they truly expect us to live on $715 a month now minus $121.80 and another $32.50 plus actually paying my prescriptions in addition to all of my bills. I can set-up a GoFundMe but honestly why should it be your responsibility to pay my bills. I would feel so defeated to ask for such help. I already feel super defeated and that's not fair. I didn't ask for any of this. I would give anything for this to not be my situation. I really don't know what to do. Leave me suggestions if you have experience with any of this or maybe some anxiety/stress techniques because I can feel it deep down in my chest and it fucking sucks. No picture tonight as I'm just too upset about all of this to even know if I use proper grammar or spelling. I have that like seeing red anger happening.
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Hey faithful followers(ha)! I bet you're all having a delightfully sweaty summer. The sky has been blue, Suicide Squad released and the state auto enrolled me in Medicare that I have to pay over $100 a month for. What's not to love?
First, let me talk about this Medicare shit and just get it off my chest. Now if any of you know me personally which I'm guessing I'm probably just writing this blog to my mom, you'll know that I am disabled officially according to our state and federal government. That means they have poured through my medical records, spoke to my doctors, looked at my prognosis for the future and decided that I can not work enough to support myself so I am able to get money monthly to help. Fine.Great.Awesome. I'm happy to have the money after going through so many jobs I was unable to keep because of my condition. I am in no way bitching about that. What I am bitching about is the fact that because I receive this help I am apparently being enrolled in Medicare parts A,B,C,and D without my consent. After being on the phone for almost 4 hours the other day with not only Social Security who could tell me nothing but also MassHealth and Silver Script. I just don't understand it, it's fucking confusing. I can't even figure it out so I can't imagine how they expect elderly people to figure it all out. The best part is that I have MassHealth which covers everything I need and I pay $0 a month for it so why do I need part B that costs $121.80? This is the great mystery and headache so far of my summer. I'm really hoping I can get it all figured out fairly quickly before they start taking the money right out of my disability check which let me assure you is already low to begin with. Now on to the good stuff. Anyone who really truly knows me knows that I live for Disney. Disney everything...movies,merch,books,vacations and really anything with Mickey Mouse. That said, Disney World is naturally my favorite place on Earth that I've been to up to this point in my life. I only recently got to experience WDW for the first time as an adult. I don't have fond memories of me as a child riding the carousel or meeting Cinderella. My introduction to Disney World was thanks to my parents when I was 24. What I do have because of them is fond memories of seeing the castle for the first time, enjoying everything and remembering everything. Being able to make a full day in the parks and not have a temper tantrum and having a beer in Epcot. Since then, I've made it a point to try and go as many times as I could afford because I'm hopelessly addicted. I was lucky enough to go with my mom in 2013 and again with my family in 2015. I am so freaking excited because in a little over a month I get to go back to the place I feel most at home. It's weird because I'm sure that many of you probably don't feel the same way I do or maybe you do. I honestly can't explain the feeling I get when I go but it's what I expect magic is like. It's corny I know but we could all use some corny in our lives these days and if for just one week I can feel like a princess or experience some magical memories with the people I love then I am totally happy being corny for the rest of my existence. So as I'm continuing my Disney countdown over here(38 days!!!!!!!) I urge you guys to take some time out of your stress filled days and make some magic happen however you can. Thanks again for checking out my blog and continue to check back for updates and new entries! P.S. I bet my mom doesn't even read this garbage! Here's a big hint for my Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party and NYCC cosplay! If you don't know what it is then go google right now! I was thinking about what to write today and while checking my OkCupid app inspiration suddenly struck. I've talked about the things I've been going through with my illness as of recently and how I deal with it on a daily basis. Something I haven't touched on yet is how it can mold and shape relationships of a romantic nature.
Dealing with Crohn's just day-to-day is hard and messy and frustrating all on it's own. I've found it very difficult to just maintain friendships let alone any kind of romance. In the beginning of any kind of relationship I usually try to hide the fact that I'm sick. It seems like it would be easy considering on the outside I look like every other normal,healthy and functioning person. This plan works alright until you have to start explaining why you need to use the bathroom more than 3 times for possibly 5 mins each time in one hangout session. Or when you have to constantly explain why you can't eat popcorn or any kind of nuts and no it's not because of a nut allergy. The jig is usually up when I have to tell people I can't hang out because I'm in Boston at the hospital for a few days or that I'm having my 3rd colonoscopy for the year. And this is already super hard with people who are supposed to be your friends. I'm not saying everyone I know is insensitive or doesn't accept me but there are definitely some who I think really haven't grasped the severity of my situation. Now in saying that I do have to mention that I also have a few people in my life who have gone above and beyond for me,bringing me to treatments and doctor's appointments and for that I've always been grateful. Trying to just maintain a social life is already challenging enough and now try to add in dating someone and having to go through the whole process of explaining everything you're experiencing is exhausting. Not to mention scary because that person essentially has be accepting that I or anyone who is disabled has limitations physically and sometimes emotionally too. What's the etiquette of bringing up that you have a disability anyway? "Thanks for dinner, I had fun and by the way I have no large intestine." I'm not saying it's impossible to find this person but it will be tiring and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I obviously know that relationships are hard work even between healthy people and that the only way to find this person is going to be by looking. I don't think he's going to fall out of the sky one day but I'll admit I'd prefer it since it'd be so much easier. If anyone has any experiences or insights on this please let me know in the comments below! My final thoughts are that if I find that person that would be great. And if I don't I'm honestly not too worried about it. Heartbreak sucks anyway but that's another story. Currently watching: Jurassic Park Tonight's picture: I think it's clear that I'm just too picky. Even if nothing ever comes of using this app I will say that I got some pretty amusing messages out of it. I'm laying here watching Toy Story and trying not to focus on the amount of intense pain coming from between my legs/my ass. If that sentence was too much for you then you should stop here. As I explained last night I have an abscess and when I woke up this morning it ballooned to probably the size of a Brussels sprout. Now,it might not sound bad but you also have to imagine it full of liquid and throbbing. How's that for a visual? My day has consisted of boiling baths and heat packs. In order to get some relief I was told by my surgeon that he needed to see my pelvic MRI images before he can help me. I called the hospital where I got them and they failed to mention I needed to FAX OR MAIL them written permission to release the images to my surgeon. I made those words bold on purpose because 1.) Thanks for mentioning that way before and B.) As if this all isn't taking long enough I would need to send them fucking permission through the mail. I'm pretty fucking lucky that I can get my mom to fax that shit. Lucky but also unlucky in that I now need to wait another two days before I can send said permission since they didn't tell me until this afternoon. As you can tell I'm more than a little pissed at the situation. I'm just pissed and depressed at this point.
One bright spot for me in times like this is always Disney which is why I'm watching Toy Story and will probably marathon some other Disney movies tonight too. I've been trying to remind myself that in September it'll be time for our trip to Disney World and everything will be fine by then. My cat Misou and a lot of movie/tv binging looks like it'll be my life for the time being until I can get some help from the surgeon. I can already feel myself going a little stir-crazy. I'd like to write more but it's just tough to focus. Now I'm going to waddle to the kitchen and re-heat this heating pad and then take some Vicodin. To infinity and beyond. Today's picture is how I found Misou after I came back from one of my baths. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want I figured I'd weigh in on the Ghostbusters controversy. It's no surprise that in this day and age there would be a Ghostbusters reboot/update sequel whatever you want to call it. The big controversy for people came when it was announced that the cast would be all females and include none of the original actors. I think where it falls flat for people is that for years we were strung along by the fact that there were rumblings of a true Ghostbusters sequel featuring the original gang in the making. These dreams were dashed with the news that Bill Murray was in and then out multiple times and then of course the sad passing of Harold Ramis. Ok, ok, so you guys already know all of this because you're all so smart. So what's my opinion? I will tell you and I'm being completely honest here. I am in no way interested in seeing this movie. It has nothing to do with the fact that it's a female cast. My problem is that it seems more like a quick cash grab. Obviously I can't say for sure since the movie has not come out but sticking the hottest comedic actors at the moment in the roles which seem to be exact personality replicas of the originals just seems cheap. Will the plot further the actual universe or just be full of formulaic played out jokes? So far based on the trailers it seems like the latter of the two. I also feel like Melissa McCarthy is waaaay overrated. Sure she's been in some good movies but she seems to just be typecast in the same role over and over. I'm sure the movie will make tons of money and have 3 more sequels because people don't care about originality or quality anymore and that goes for a lot of movies not just Ghostbusters. Until moviegoers take a stand Hollywood will keep churning out bullshit for years to come. Maybe I'm forever stuck in a nostalgia haze and that makes me hate concepts like these but I'm ok with that. Just because I don't want to see it doesn't mean that others can't enjoy it and it also doesn't make me sexist either. People seem to forget that opinions are like assholes and assholes will always tell you you're wrong. Bottom line, sure some people might be boycotting the movie because they're women but not everyone is and we shouldn't be crucified and lumped into that category. Feel free to tell me why my opinion is wrong in the comments below!
Let's move on to the daily boring shit. Currently my tv volume is up to 20 which is actually pretty loud. The reason? My fucking next door neighbors who hold some kind of snake worshiping church in their barn are playing the loudest music ever. The snake part is pure speculation but I feel like I'm right because I seriously can't understand how they can play the same song for 3 hours and scream in another language. What the hell kind of church is this? The worst part is that it goes on almost every night sometimes until midnight. These people are crazy. Other than that I'm just relaxing. Gross medical alert for the next few sentences, look away if you don't want to know. I've been in severe pain today because of an abscess I have pretty much under my ass. If you don't know what an abscess is then google it because I'm not going to tell you here. Anyway, I had to sit in an almost boiling bath tub just for some relief. I'll be having a small surgery sometime in the next month hopefully to get this under control. This is just a small example of shit I deal with on a daily basis. I'm ready to relax for the night so feel free to leave me some comments and I'll talk to you guys tomorrow! Currently watching: Awkward. P.S How cute is this Ghostbusters plus I bought yesterday? It plays the theme song too when you squeeze his belly. SO CUTE. This isn't my first blog and it probably won't be my last. I go into a blog or website with so much excitement to get it all set up and then when it comes time to maintain it I'm pretty much devoid of motivation. Maybe this one will be different and maybe it won't. I suppose we should start with a small introduction assuming anyone reading this gives a shit. My name is Alissa and age is just a number although I feel a lot older than I am. I live about 30 minutes outside of Boston. I super love cats, Disney, hockey, collecting pop figures and a lot of other things. This blog will most likely reflect a lot of these ideas and then some. One major aspect of my life is living with a chronic illness called Crohn's disease. I try to not let it define me or my life but I'll admit it does get hard. I've been diagnosed since 2002. For those of you who don't know or are just too damn lazy to google it, Crohn's disease is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that affects my digestive tract and comes with a plethora of side effects. I'm hoping to give you all an inside look at the usually gross and painful things I go through on a day to day basis. I'm not going to sugarcoat it so if you are not into reading about medical things probably skip those entries. Normal entries will start tomorrow so in the meantime look at this picture of my munchkin cat named Misou and thanks for checking this out. If you have any questions pertaining to Crohn's feel free to leave me a comment below! |
AuthorA closer to 30 than 25 female living with chronic illness. I've got an obsessive love for cats, Disney, video games and cats. My name is Alissa. Archives
August 2016
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